A Housewife’s Guide to Watching The Hunger Games
With The Hunger Games movie looming on the horizon, we have gathered our forces, our intelligence and created a list. A list to help us, the housewives of America, find our inner-strength. Our inner- Katniss, so to speak. Something to help us pass the time while we’re waiting *twiddles thumbs* for this movie to finally be released – like attempting to sleep in the tree while evil kids, er, we mean tributes, wait underneath.
Tips on how to spend the day before watching The Hunger Games movie, for housewives:
**Prepare a mid-day meal of bread smeared with goat cheese and water. Throw some berries on for a garnish, just make sure they are not the poisonous kind from your backyard. (And by goat cheese we mean Feta and by water we mean wine.)
**Nothing says Katniss better than a single braid. So, pull back the hair and let your fingers create a simple plait that is sure to turn heads. It’s easier than copying Effie Trinket’s hairstyle.
**Put Kid Cudi, “The Ruler & The Killer”s on while you scrub the toilets and pick Cheeto crumbs off the floor while wearing a dish towel around your head like a hungry fighter. You may or may not eat one of the Cheetos off the floor.
**Grab your son’s toy bow and arrow set and climb the tallest tree in the yard and try your hand at a little squirrel hunting. Hey, you never know you may catch one. If so, here’s a recipe to knock-your family’s socks off at dinner.
**For a confidence boost repeat this line from the book over and over while looking in the mirror, “I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.” Stuart Smalley would be proud.
**Bond with your daughter over a Team Peeta or Team Gale discussion and if she doesn’t submit to your team, then threaten her with a reaping and no texting.
**Assign parts and role play with your family. We suggest your mother-in-law as President Snow.
**While in the carpool line pine over Entertainment Weekly’s THG issue. Drool over Josh, Liam and Lenny. I think we can safely leave Woody & Donald off that list. *shudder*
**For those with a wayward child, tell them that if they don’t unload the dishwasher, you’ll send him to District 12 to be a tribute.
**Listen to “Eyes Wide Open” by Taylor Swift on loop as you struggle to keep your eyes open until the midnight premier. Hey, midnight is waaaay past our bedtime.
**Prepare thy purse well. Load it up with candy, gum but most importantly kleenex. We recommend two boxes. You know, for that scene…*sniff sniff*
**Oh, and make sure to pack plenty of those little silver parachutes. You can toss Milk Duds to your friends in the front of the theater or a kleenex…for that scene.
**For those with small children, hug them tightly before heading out for a night of fun with friends.
**For those with older children, cackle at them cheerfully as you abandon them for a night of fun with friends.